True Story : Poise doesn’t Help Anything, This Time


Note August 8, 2015: “Is it Sexual  Harassment” (English & Indonesian Language)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_harassment

Morning, 08:00: I got the information by phone that the next-door neighbor (the right side of the house) passed away at 07:30 in the same day. I hurriedly sweep the house, took a shower and went to a neighbor’s house. I helped a neighbor arranging flowers for a funeral.

During the day, I received a text message from a neighbor who asked that I want to be treated or not. I hesitate to answer, somehow I got bad feeling, but I don’t know  what it was. Because I got hard breathing from my asthma, I finally decided to get therapy.

I got a foot therapy (feet Reflexology massage) approximately 3 months already, it means 10 times already. I did therapy for asthma and heartburn. My condition is getting better. I do not know what make my condition better, could be because of foot reflexology or acupuncture. Foot reflexology done only for the knees down, and sometimes massaged at the neck and shoulders.

As usual I was sitting in a chair in the living room, and therapists were in front of me with a chair. My legs started to get a massage and I while talking with a friend over the phone. Eventually he massaged into my thigh and touched my crotch, and touch my vagina. I encourage her to let go, but his grip was too tight.

I immediately stood up and said “please get out of my house”.

I do not speak rudely at that time, still with a sense of my shock. It feels like vomiting and disgusted to see his face.

He begged and apologized, saying: “Sorry, my mistake, I could not control myself. It’s really my male instincts. ”

I just said: “I was wrong to believe you as my therapist. Please get out of my house. I gave him his money IDR 50.000, –

He did not take the money, and says: “Astaghfirullah … why could happen like this? “Which means” O Allah, forgive my sins ”

I am getting sick of hearing him mention the name of Allah. It’s so easy he mentioned the name of God, while the depraved behavior

He begged me not to tell this to anyone. I do not say yes, I just said: “If something like this happen again with someone else, I will reveal all and reported to the authorities”

“Ma’am, you can do anything to me if it happen to others.. This is the first time I did this, and I will not repeat it. ”

I say: “Do not ever come to my house again and I decided not to get more therapy from you.”

Several hours after the incident, a day, two days and until I wrote this, I still think to tell everybody or not. Which I consider are:

  1. I live in this house as a newcomer, I don’t know much about my neighbors
  2. I live here since 2013, and my life is just for working, so I haven’t to get to know the people around me
  3. The therapist is already doing therapy in my neighborhood from year 2008
  4. The therapist lived near my block house, it means he had known in my neighborhood for a long time
  5. I got the reference treatment of my neighbors
  6. I am a single, I do not want any presumption that I tell fetched, because there is no evidence
  7. The neighbor who gave me is a reference to a single, so if there is harassment of my neighbors, I’m sure the therapist will not have any patients continuously treated since 2008

With these points above, I doubt whether my story would be heard or it will affect “not good” for me. Such conditions are extremely unfavorable to anyone who becomes a victim. I do not know whether the legal conditions can help the victims of the abused with no firm evidence?

Sadness, disappointment and anger was there, but I am more concerned that this  does not happen to others. What I feel now is I feel disgusted and unclean to see the face of my therapist. There really is a very uncomfortable feeling to remember the face of this therapist. I feel like a sudden shocked this therapist comes up all around me. Is this a sign of a trauma?

I’ve told a few friends, but they do not live in my neighborhood. All suggested that I share to other patients and reported to the authorities. But after I told him about my consideration points, all my friends doubted that I would have the support of other patients.

I am writing this because it’s a way to tell the incident.  I hope we are more careful, not be too trusting of the therapist, although there should be ethical professionalism. This is a very shocking experience for me. Hopefully not happen to others. My mistake was that I did not yell at the time, when many people were sitting in front of the house. My habit of calm did not help me in this situation. #

Catatan  08 Agustus 2015 : “Apakah ini Pelecehan Sexual?”

Pagi, 08:00           :  saya mendapat informasi via telepon bahwa tetangga sebelah rumah (sebelah kanan rumah) meninggal pada pukul 07:30 hari yang sama.  Saya buru-buru menyapu rumah, langsung mandi dan pergi ke rumah tetangga.  Saya membantu tetangga merangkai bunga untuk pemakaman. 

Siang hari, saya mendapat SMS dari tetangga yang menanyakan bahwa saya mau diterapi atau tidak.  Saya ragu menjawab, entah kenapa saya mendapat feeling yang tidak enak.  Tetapi karena saya sedang sesak napas, akhirnya saya memutuskan untuk terapi.  Saya mendapat terapi kaki (reflesi kaki) kira-kira sudah 3 bulan.  Saya melakukan terapi untuk asthma dan sakit maag.  Kondisi saya semakin membaik.  Saya tidak tahu apakah karena refleksi kaki atau karena tusuk jarum.  Refleksi kaki dilakukan hanya untuk lutut ke bawah, dan terkadang dipijat di leher.

Seperti biasa saya duduk di kursi di ruang tamu, dan terapis berada di depan saya dengan duduk di kursi.  Kaki saya mulai dipijat dan saya sambil berbicara dengan teman melalui telepon.  Lama kelamaan dia memijat ke paha saya dan menyentuh selangkangan saya. Saya mendorong tangannya untuk melepaskan, tapi pegangannya terlalu kencang.

Saya langsung berdiri dan berkata “tolong keluar dari rumah saya”.

 Saya tidak berbicara kasar saat itu, masih dengan rasa shock saya.  Rasanya ingin muntah dan jijik melihat mukanya.

Dia memohon dan meminta maaf sambil berkata: “Maaf, saya khilaf, saya tidak bisa kontrol diri saya.  Ini benar-benar naluri laki-laki saya.” 

Saya hanya bilang: “saya salah telah percaya dengan Bapak.  Tolong keluar dari rumah saya.  Ini uangnya” Saya menyodorkan uang Rp 50.000,-

Dia tidak mengambil uangnya, dan bilang :  “Astaghfirullah… kenapa bisa terjadi seperti ini? ” yang artinya “Ya Allah, Ampunilah dosaku”

Saya semakin muak mendengar dia menyebut nama Allah.  Begitu mudahnya dia menyebut nama Tuhan, sedangkan kelakuannya bejat

Dia memohon untuk tidak menceritakan hal ini kepada siapapun.  Saya tidak mengiyakan, saya hanya bilang:  “kalau hal seperti ini terjadi lagi dengan orang lain, saya akan membeberkan semua dan melaporkan kepada yang berwenang”

“Mbak boleh melakukan apa saja terhadap saya jika hal ini terjadi dengan orang lain. Ini sekali-kalinya terjadi dan saya tidak akan mengulanginya.”

Saya bilang: “jangan pernah datang ke rumah saya lagi dan saya memutuskan untuk tidak mendapatkan terapi lagi.”

Beberapa jam setelah kejadian itu, sehari, dua hari dan sampai saya menulis ini, saya masih berpikir untuk bercerita atau tidak.  Yang saya pertimbangkan adalah :

  1. Saya tinggal di rumah sekarang sebagai pendatang, saya belum mengenai tetangga dengan baik, kecuali tetangga yang rumahnya berdekatan
  2. Saya tinggal di rumah saya sekarang sejak 2013, dan kehidupan saya adalah bekerja, jadi tidak mempunyai waktu banyak untuk mengenal lingkungan
  3. Terapis adalah sudah melakukan terapi di lingkungan saya dari 2008
  4. Terapis dahulunya bertempat tinggal di blok bersebelahan dengan blok saya, artinya dia sudah dikenal di lingkungan saya dalam waktu yang lama
  5. Saya mendapat referensi terapi dari tetangga saya
  6. Saya seorang single, saya tidak mau ada anggapan bahwa saya bercerita mengada-ada, karena tidak ada bukti
  7. Tetangga yang memberi referensi kepada saya adalah seorang single, jadi jika terjadi pelecehan terhadap tetangga saya, saya yakin terapis tidak akan mempunyai pasien yang terus menerus diterapi sejak tahun 2008

Dengan poin-poin tersebut di atas, saya ragu apakah cerita saya akan didengarkan atau justru akan berdampak “tidak baik” terhadap saya. Kondisi seperti ini sangat tidak menguntungkan terhdap siapapun yang menjadi korban.  Saya tidak tahu apakah kondisi hukum dapat membantu para korban yang dilecehkan dengan tanpa bukti yang kuat?

Rasa sedih, kecewa dan marah memang ada, tetapi saya lebih concern agar hal ini tidak terjadi dengan orang lain.  Apa yang saya rasakan saat ini adalah saya merasa jijik dan najis untuk melihat muka terapis saya.  Benar-benar ada perasaan yang sangat tidak nyaman untuk mengingat wajah terapis ini.  Saya merasa terkaget seperti tiba-tiba terapis ini ada di sekitar saya, padahal orang lain.  Apakah ini pertanda sebuah trauma?

Saya sudah bercerita kepada beberapa teman, namun mereka tidak tinggal di lingkungan saya.  Semua menyarankan agar saya sharing kepada pasien-pasien lain serta melaporkan kepada yang berwenang.  Tapi setelah saya bercerita tentang poin-poin bertimbangan saya, semua teman saya meragukan bahwa saya akan mendapat dukungan dari pasien-pasien lain.

Saya menulis ini hanya salah satu cara untuk menceritakan kejadian tersebut, agar kita lebih berhati-hati, jangan terlalu percaya terhadap terapis, meskipun seharusnya ada etika keprofesionalan.  Ini pengalaman yang sangat mengagetkan buat saya.  Mudah-mudahan tidak terjadi terhadap orang lain.  Kesalahan saya adalah saya tidak berteriak saat itu, padahal banyak orang sedang duduk-duduk di depan rumah.  Kebiasaan saya yang tenang ternyata tidak membantu saya dalam situasi seperti ini.#

37 thoughts on “True Story : Poise doesn’t Help Anything, This Time

  1. I’d say it’s more Sexual Abuse than harassment. And, being a survivor of Sexual Abuse – I would report it to the authorities. Even if nothing is done, it’s on their records so if he is reported again – they have more against him. I wish you peace through this.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. What a bad incident! I agree with Marcus, that this was more than just sexual harassment, because of the therapeutic situation. For someone with asthma, as far as I know, stress might actuate some asthma attack and so this is a really irresponsible “therapist”.
    I understand your situation as new to the established community of the neighbourhood and unsing caution therefor, but I think, if you stop seeing this therapist and answer to questions why, that you did not do with his treatments, that gives enough room for understanding without being too clear.
    Wishing you the very best!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. That’s horrible behavior on his part. You should certainly report this creep to the authorities. Without knowing the guy, it is safe to assume you are not his first or last victim. Stop this guy in his tracks! I am sorry this happened to you. I am sending positive vibes in your direction. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. What happened is terrible. You did not give your consent so this is assault, which is a crime. Please make a statement to the civil authorities. This man is a therapist and his duty is to provide care. As a woman you should feel safe alone in a room with him. Professionally speaking, the implications are not good. You were very lucky he stopped when you asked him, but please report it for your piece of mind. Do not worry about people believing you. This is a problem with women who are assaulted. No one wants to believe that the man forced himself on them. I believe you. Stand up for yourself, Risty.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. this is such painful, horrible, complex incident. I have to agree with everyone this abuse and sexual harassment. You should take all the actions against the therapist. I feel deeply sorry that this happened to you. Please let me know if you can be further of assistance.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. RISTY !!
    Believe it or not , I keep you in my prayers ! I’ve always though you are a wonderful lady, and very pretty too.
    I see a struggle in your life, as you are and will be such a precious person in my life , I feel your heart is in need of me and your friends for support and prayers.
    Me and you didn’t talk much about God , even different cultures or God is the same. I know OUR God will send you many blessings to you. For you are a wonderful lady, and im very proud to know you !!!

    God bless you
    With special love
    Your Glenn

    Liked by 1 person

  7. He needs to be reported. He abused a position of trust and duty of care to sexually molest you… That’s rape! Who knows how many others he has done this too who are too afraid to react. Usually when one breaks the chain of silence, others find the courage to come forward as well. I wish you all strength and courage to be able to go through with this… there is support out there for you. No-one deserves to be treated like this.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks a lot for your support, Kev.. Yes, i will report him after I got his statement. I let him to think that I am stupid a while. I am still so angry and sad remembering his face, it makes me get hard breathing. Again, thank you so much kev ❤

      Like

  8. Mbak, turut prihatin dan ini sudah kelewatan, mungkin sebaiknya mbak laporkan segera ke polisi. Atau Mbak bisa laporkan juga ke LBH Apik atau LBH yang dekat dengan rumah Mbak untuk meminta bantuan dan advokasi mereka. Jangan dibiarkan pelaku seperti itu Mbak. Semoga mbak tabah selalu..

    Liked by 1 person

    • Terima kasih, Indah… iya..saya sedang pikirkan.. saat ini saya sudah memegang 1. surat pengakuan dari pelaku 2. KTP 3. rekaman pembicaraan saya dan pelaku pada saat saya minta pengakuan.
      Ternyata saya masih belum kuat berhadapan dengan pelaku, sejak ketemu lagi Minggu, 15 Agustus 2015, pusing saya nggak hilang. Mungkin karena marah dan sedih saya muncul lagi.

      Like

      • Sabar dan tabah selalu ya Mbak. Pelecehan seksual itu memang bisa menyebabkan trauma mendalam. Saranku segera menghubungi LBH terdekat..LBH Apik pastinya lebih baik, setahuku banyak menangani masalah yang dihadapi perempuan, jadi lebih sensitif…hugs for you!

        Liked by 1 person

  9. I am so sorry that happened to you. I wonder if maybe you could speak to other patients and indirectly ask how they like this therapist, did he ever do anything that made them feel uncomfortable…because, if maybe he touched others sexually, and they also feel like you feel, that they did not have evidence, that they would not be believed…you know, there could be many others that he violated..yes, VIOLATED…besides you. If you could maybe find others, then you could come together against him. Also, you would feel support from others. I know of a very similar case where a religious official was also doing “healing” on women, but it turned into sexual touching. Several women reported him to the police, and he was arrested. I’m sure you are traumatized by this! I send you hugs and prayers for healing–and for getting this creep out of business!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Since you’re in the neighbourhood try and speak with some the patients in a way of investigating to see if you will get some info on if he has done similar thing with others, should in case you get any good info then the dobius activities of the so call therapist has come to an end.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I think you should report him. I bet this has happened before, too. Don’t believe that for a second. He’s just seeing what he can get away with. I think it’s also okay that you were calm. That showed restraint and rational thinking. Please don’t beat yourself up. Be good to yourself. Report this!

    Liked by 1 person

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